I loved this article in the paper today!

House too messy? You don't always have to apologize

Have you ever apologized for your messy house, implying that it isn't usually that way? Or used the excuse, "I don't clean on Sundays," which packs a double whammy?

I still remember the day I figured out that other people's houses weren't always clean. Just like me, they would clean the living room spotlessly but the rest of the house was in various states of disorder. Even with that knowledge, I still tried to hide my dirty little secret.

I have spent years trying to rid myself of the need to apologize for everything from my potluck item not being perfect to the way my hair turned out that day. The hardest of all has been to keep from apologizing for the disorder of my home.

I have four children, soon to be five. They have school, Scouts, dance and homework. They are good, compassionate children who have chores, but often not enough time to get them done.

Can we just give ourselves a break? There is a time for everything, and sometimes the house is just going to be a mess. Someday the kids will grow and find their own space to mess up. Cleanliness can be reasonably expected during that phase of your life, unless, of course, they come back to live with you.

Maybe we need an enrichment group called Apologizers Anonymous. Somehow we need to stop this vicious cycle before it infects another generation of our daughters.

I am not suggesting that we should not try to keep our homes neat and tidy. I always feel better when I have a clean space to think or work in. However, that is often an unrealistic ideal for me.

None of us is perfect. Perhaps we would all be happier if we could not only accept others in all their own flawed glory, but ourselves as well.

Someday I will proudly declare that my house is a mess and I have five sticky kids to show for it -- but who know that their mother loves them. Instead of apologizing, I will remind my unexpected visitor that I can't take the house with me when I die, but my kids are eternal. Until then, I'll try to forgive myself each time I falter and apologize anyway.

By Sandra Rytting
For the Deseret News
Published: Thursday, April 16, 2009 12:05 a.m. MDT