They stay the same

Lately I've been working on a project that has me going through old blog posts and photographs.  I've been working through 2007-2009.  It was a stressful time for us.  Chasey was born and shortly thereafter we started building our house.

4 kiddos, 1 being a newborn while building a house = chaos.

I came across picture after picture of Owen and his naughtiness.  Those memories, combined with a child rearing book that I have read recently really brought something together for me.

It is this.  Our children are born with certain personalities or natures.  As parents, it's our job to nurture and enjoy their uniqueness and individualness and not try to change who they are.  I know this because my children are very different from each other and have been since they were little. Their natures have not changed.

How many times though, have I become frustrated and upset because they do or say things that I wouldn't do?   A lot.  Sadly, a lot.

Instead I should recognize who they are (different from me and my ways) and work to encourage them to grow and develop in their own unique way.

Here is my example.  Owen.  And I use Owen because I have a lot of pix of this that work well for a blog post.  However, I can say this with any of my kids and their unique natures.

Owen has always been a very busy child.  He loves to be active (physically and mentally).  He is not happy if he is not actively engaged in something.  If I do not provide enough stimulation for him, he will go out and find it on his own.  And there is a pretty good chance I won't be happy about it. Scott and I often say that Owen doesn't settle well.  He's always on the move.  If he doesn't have a specific thing in mind to do, he will start casting about looking for the next thing, whatever that is.

For example.  In this 2007-8 time period this is a tiny glimpse of him.

Drawing  on everything he could find and I mean everything! No surface in the house was left alone.

Cutting his own hair

Getting into everything and dumping it out including my cocoa powder.  I can't tell you how many messes I cleaned up.

Squeezing every product imaginable onto the carpet.  Our house was a mess.

I remember being so frustrated with him, thinking many times.   "Why is he acting like this?  His older brothers were not like this.  I don't understand him.  He needs to stop.  He needs to calm down."

If I had known then what I know now,  I hope I would have reacted differently.  "Owen has a lot of forward motion and he needs stimulation."  I need to give him the stimulation he needs so we are both happy."

That's what I should have done.  I should have put him in time-out less and provided more appropriate outlets for his energy.  We would have both been so much happier.  Looking back at that period in my life with a newborn and trying to build a house, what I really should have done was hired some YW in the Ward to come in and play with him.

Instead,  I tried to force him to change who he was.  To stop him from being so active.  And that made everyone unhappy.

Some more examples:

Very particular about what he wears.  He wore this Batman costume all the time!

Guess what?  Still the same.  Although this pix is a few years old, Owen still has very strong preferences on his clothes.  When he came up wearing this outfit, I just about told him to go change because that is something I would not pick out for him to wear.  But instead I just let him wear it.  1 point for me!

Is friendly with the ladies in 2007.  Still the same today.

And some more recent pictures.

Digging a 3' hole for the fun of it.  No other reason.  I would never do that and neither would any of my other boys.

Whittling in my laundry room, wearing 2 differently colored soccer socks, paying no attention to the garbage can. He is focused on the activity at hand.

And last but not least, daily swim practice this past summer!  It was an awesome appropriate outlet for his energy!  He has asked me to sign him up again this year, which I will happily do.

So there you have it.  A little example.  So I continue to think and observe my children.  And when I get frustrated with their behaviors I'm trying really hard to try and understand their nature and personality and work with them instead of against them.