May I recommend

Several months ago I was talking with a friend about how crazy and sometimes complicated our relationships with others can get. After I got off the phone with her I was thinking about our conversation and I remembered reading a manuscript in college years ago that talked in depth about relationships. The only thing I could remember was the name of the manuscript and that I was fascinated with what the author had written. So I did a little research and found out that the manuscript had been published into a book 6 or 7 years ago. I bought it more out of curiosity than anything. Why had I been so fascinated with it then and will I still be fascinated with it now? I finished it a few weeks ago and it is better than I remembered.

The author gets down to the root cause of why our relations with others sometimes become painful instead of enjoyable. Why we become offended, angry, jealous, guarded and defensive instead of feeling open, loving, generous and peaceful. I think what is amazing about this book is that it addresses all of us "normal" people with our "normal" everyday relationships. Every sentence is full of amazing insight.

The very core of this book talks about how to have a change of heart within ourselves. And now behold I ask of you my brethren of the church, have ye spiritually been born of God? Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts?
If you are like me, you have probably heard this scripture or some variation of it many times. Although this book is written by an LDS man, it is not overtly religious per say, but it has strong undertones of faith and God. He specifically talks about how to achieve this change of heart. How to let go of all the crap and to just be the good person you know you should be and who you actually already are. Have I mentioned this book is deep?

I bet you are wondering why, if this book is so good, you haven't heard of it before. The only thing I can think of is because the concepts and ideas he presents in this book are not popular today. He emphasizes personal responsibility and doing what we honestly believe to be the right thing to do. This book is not full of superficial band-aides that may make us or others feel good temporarily, which is so common in self-help books. It gets to the core issues, which lie within ourselves. I really can't say enough about this book.

A few recommendations if you are thinking about reading this book.

1) This book is not for the faint of heart. Prepare to analyze yourself and try very hard not to analyze other people and their relationships. At the beginning of this book I found myself thinking "Well, so and so definitely has this problem...." But as I continued to read I found myself in every chapter. It is a good thing, if not a little hard to swallow.

2) The first time you read it, read it with someone else. When I first started reading this book I had planned on reading it by myself. But Scott asked me what I was reading, I was excited to tell him about it because it was so fascinating, and we ended up reading it together. It was very helpful for several reasons. This book is pretty deep and at times hard to understand. It was nice to read sections, talk about them with Scott and then talk about how it applies to our respective relationships.

3)Read it a second time by yourself, or at least go back and summarize it. This book has a lot of information and it is easy to forget whole sections.

If anyone does read it, please let me know. I would love to have an online discussion about it. There is a reading group guide in the back that would provide endless material to discuss with others. And who knows, maybe it would stimulate some brain cells that have been dormant from the college years.

Some of my favorite quotes from the book. This was difficult trying to narrow these down.

"Those times when we feel most miserable, offended or angry are invariably the occasions when we’re also most absorbed in ourselves and most anxious or suspicious or fearful or in some other way concerned about ourselves."

"On the underside of all arrogant, self-promoting and manipulative characteristics we will always find a deep lack of confidence that amounts to fear."

"To take up a hard, resentful attitude toward others is to have to live in a resented world, a world full of people who oppose and threaten us. How they are in our eyes is reflective of how we are."

"If we want to know what impact we are having on others, we need only to examine their responses to us."

"Unless we change our heart toward the people we struggle with here and now, we are condemned to struggle with whomever we may find ourselves associated with."